As many of you know I am a semi-private person and starting this blog for me was quite a stretch for this and many another reasons. I am a Leatherman who is also dyslexic and as such written text is a time-consuming venture.
I am also one that does strategic planning in my life, looking at where I want to go and formulating plans of what I need to get there.
A few years ago when it was first suggested to me that I enter the Eastern Canada LeatherSIR competition, I realized that I had several things I needed to accomplish before I proceeded to enter. The first was to reduce my load and with my terms ending on two boards of directors – this easily freed up 40 hours a month; and the second was to come out as a Leatherman to the people who mattered in my life.
I was also once married, had a son and a disabled daughter who is turning 30 this year. At times she is wise to the age of a 60-year-old and as naive as a 16-year-old.
I had already come out to my son, who, as it turned out, was submissive. This of course led to many interesting conversations, and lending him some rope for an “emergency date”.
My daughter on the other hand was to be more difficult or so I thought. As an AIDS activist in the 90’s and 2000’s my daughter and have a report that is more like an older sister when it comes to topics of sex. The first hurdle was coming out Poly, which really was a source of entertainment more than drama. She asked me how long I was poly and when I said 20 years, and that she knew almost all in my Leather family she said she would have to think about it. Later that eve she called and asked “so…. do I have to call them all Dad?” I replied that it was more like an older wise Dad and son kind of relationship and again said, “I need to think about this”. Another half hour passed by and the next question. “So dad does this mean I have 10 brothers?” I said well not really, to which she replied, “good cause I have the hots for Iain” (my boy iain).
I recently read the speech that Guy Baldwin delivered at the National Leather Association. I have put a link to his speech at the end of my blog.
When I first read the speech, to be honest, I was a little put off. The more I thought of it, due to his life experiences growing up in a large city in tough times, he has the right to say what he sees and feels.
I’m not only a gay Leatherman living in a city of 90,000 but also a gay parent, who lives in Canada. My experiences are quite different and my coming out is also quite different.
I agree with what Guy Baldwin says about integrating of all aspects of our lives. As Gandhi once said “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”
The use of a scene names is much more common in the straight world than in the gay world. The component that Guy may be missing is the psyche of parenting. To best explain it to non-parents, as a Master I have a similar feelings towards my subs. I will do whatever I have to do, whenever I have to do it, to protect my subs. Being a Master is part of my psyche to do otherwise would be in conflict with myself. To do anything other than to protect my subs from the world that may harm them, is also in my psyche as an alpha male.
Straight Masters and Mistresses are no different that Gay Leather Masters, we choose how and where to protect our families and in particular children from the sometimes vicious world out there. That is our job, that is our path. It is also up to us to decide how to best do that.
I have to admit the pansexual world is where the gay world was in the 60s and 70s. In Canada, the new freedoms we have achieved have also sparked a right-wing backlash, which may end up being as bad as the backlash that happened in the 70s with the bath house raids.
At a recent pansexual conference, I chose to be fully out. Doing so may have thrown a few of the attendees off guard, for me it was essential that some see that it is ok to be fully out, as it was essential for me in the 80s and 90s to see other others who are fully out and happy.
Guy may also be speaking from a big city perspective, where Pride marches number in the thousands and hundreds of thousands. In my hometown of Sudbury we may get up to 200. Of those 200 many are our straight, and kinky friends who march with us. We do not have the numbers to warrant a gay village, yet despite that we see rainbow flags on some businesses. My point is, in smaller communities we may not have the critical mass to yet thrive, we need each other and my opinion we are much richer for it.
I do have once concern with what Guy Baldwin has said, which is that we may act on his thoughts without taking the time to really think about where we are at in our own communities, countries, and our own Leather worlds. For me monolithic gay-only Leather is not where I want to be. For me a knowledgeable Dom or sub who is willing to share their experiences, a Dom or sub who requests your help all have no orientation.
Guy has in many ways done us a great service in shaking us up and stimulating discussion and for that I say, “Thank You we needed that”.
Click here to be directed to Guy Baldwin’s speech to the NLA Houston chapter.