As many or you know I’m a frequent contributor to some of the groups on 
FetLife. In the group Gay Male Sadists and Masochists, there is a very good question posted on the topic of “Are CyberDoms and CyberSubs really into BDSM?” As I do not have permissions to repost the comments of others, I hope you can go and see the complete discussions of several persons I highly respect. (Please note the 3 links above will only work if you are a FetLife member.)
I feel the topic of Cyber and Long Distance Relationships is probably one of the most misunderstood, domains of BDSM.
Before quoting my entry I think its important to talk about the different types of BDSM In which I partake. Real time which I have relabeled in face and cyber which I see at least in my case remote control .
For me there are 3 variables Face Time only, Face time + remote control, and remote control only relationships. I have had experience in all 3 but have the Following ratios 90% face time, 9% remote, 1% remote only.
First a bit about me
I am a Dom who has several in person/Face time , some cyber or remote control, and some combo, BDSM relationships and the Patriarch of a 22 member multi generational Leather Family. Having now close to 20 years experience both as a sub and a Dom, I can tell you a sub who is right beside me or who is 12 time zones difference away from me still feels my pain, my control, and does my will, and gets my dick hard. On the slaves part he still flies with euphoria when used in person or remotely by his Dom Sir or Master. Many years ago when I was a boy, I was also privileged to have been used by my Sir in both ways.
By definition BDSM the B stands for Bondage. I will admit this is harder to do remotely. Is this not but yet one more use for Ice locks? Even with out ice locks and self bondage, when observing a sub remotely I have noticed that the subs tend to do something without thinking are being told to do so, which is to spread their body as if they are bound spread eagle.
Many of us have subs that do not live with us, such is life. Cyber is only one more tool in my tool box to keep the relationship alive and well.
There are those who only do remote (Cyber) on-line play. Personally I feel that they are missing out on some aspects of becoming one with their Dom but not all. Having both experiences at least for me is essential, so that we know what the differences are and the effects on our minds and bodies.
From my perspective on-line session can have 80% to 90% of the same intensity, 80-90% of the time. As Most Doms know even in “face time” scenes, not every Dom and subs have the same intense experiences every time. I see many Doms and subs play at parties who never have or will experience the closeness of feeling the Dom’s direct hand and his breath on his neck as check in on the sub.
In our community we tend to discount things that we have not tried or are not into. Discount what others have and do experienced. The backlash over Master John Weal’s book a Leatherman’s Protocol Handbook may be a prime example. I have a separate blog on this topic.
My slave Joe also posted
I can share it can be very real even when one is overseas thousands of miles from my Master. Regardless of whether it’s in person or cyber there must be a connection between both. i can truly surrender my mind and body to my Master whether i am inches from Him or thousands of miles away.
No one can be with another person 24/7 physically – given day-to-day life of jobs, doctors, shopping, etc. unless you are physically joined together. BUT one can live 24/7 mentally connected together. For me, my Master’s WILL has become my will. i live with Him inside me 24/7 in all that i do each day. He is a part of me as i am a part of Him.
And yes, scent is a very powerful tool. my Master’s scent arouses me, comforts me and controls me depending on the situation. i feel Master’s presence when away by being able to breathe in His scent.
One thing i will add for me it is important to have face to face time together with my Master. This helps for the periods when W/we are away from it each other.
As a follow-up to slave Joe’s comments. For me scent is a very powerful tool. My slave will cum within seconds of being exposed to my scent. Zip lock bags and week old construction boot socks are just as effective when he is with me or overseas. This response however is best introduced during “face time”.